Personal

My name is Jeremy Gustafson and I'm a Computer Science and Religion double major from St Olaf College. If I had but one word to describe myself, it would be: "splendsmartiful".

Simplistically put, I'm a computer geek at heart, but I also like to think of myself as fun-loving and fun to be around. In new circles I tend to be rather shy, but around familiar faces and surroundings I'm more myself: vocal, funny [or so I try, at least], and caring. Comedy is a major part of my life; I love making people laugh more than almost anything else. Some days this seems much easier than others, and I'm quite used to a lot of my jokes falling flat by now. At least I tried.

By standard social definitions I'm really a mixed bag: politically I'm moderate, socially I'm relatively conservative, theologically I'm both liberal and conservative, and economically I tend toward liberal. After pondering this more, I realized I take some joy in living as a contradiction of commonly associated descriptors, and I want to continue to purposely seek out stereotypes to break: I want to be intelligent, tech-savvy, a logical thinker, yet also an artistic filmmaker/director, occasional actor, ballroom dancer, theologian, worship leader, songwriter, and so on. I want to be those things which aren't usually combined into one person.

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Passions
I love writing. I enjoy writing about myself and my own adventures, but I really love writing stories, a passion that was sparked long ago in second or third grade after reading some of author Roald Dahl's works (James and the Giant Peach, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory). Since that time, I've always had some number of stories in the works, none of which have ever been finished, but they've always remained a fun diversion in my life. The problem I run into in finishing any given story is that, while still in the process of writing it, I grow up and realise how simplistic my original plot was. Not to say my ideas didn't have any merit, they've just all needed dramatic revamping before anything good can come out of them, a process which takes time. Currently, my primary projects are "Harry Putter", a loving tribute-parody of the Harry Potter books, and "Far Away", a modern day teenage parallel to the Biblical story of Job. I've always written for the silver screen; novels just aren't my thing.

My other passions include filmmaking, programming, guitar/singing, and theodicy. (Filmmaking has an entire section devoted to it in this autobiography, so I won't address it here).

I really like programming, especially when things work. Specifically, I enjoy programming for the web (PHP), as well as writing clever little scripts on my computer to do various redundant and boring tasks. Designing web interfaces isn't unenjoyable, either, but it's the behind the scenes stuff that calls to me.

Playing my guitar is therapeutic, and to a large extent it is my 'alone time' with God. I pray throughout my days, but music is by far how I best connect with God... That's probably why I feel He called my to buy my guitar in the first place. I'm not an expert [yet], but I've been playing since November of 2006, and I've reached a point where my rudimentary skills are "good enough" that I feel comfortable playing in front of groups like FCA or Thursday Night Bible Study at St. Olaf.

Lastly, theodicy. It is absolutely captivating. Seeking these answers is a life-long pursuit for knowledge that will never grow old, and is confusing enough to keep one's brain going for a long time ("Theodicy" is the study of suffering and evil in the world, from the Greek theos and dike, meaning [literally] to speak for God). The subject was of passing interest to me before, but after taking a course called "God and Human Suffering" sophomore year of college, this fascinating inquiry has entered into the forefront of my academic interests.

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Reflections on Life and People
My overall approach to life used to be one of meticulous planning and calculation, as if life were a grand chess game; most moves were carefully evaluated in the hopes of reaching the best possible outcome. More recently I've adopted a saner, calmer mode of living: trust. I still do a certain amount of scheming and planning, but instead of worrying quite so much I've instead opted to turn to God in prayer. I maintain a strong belief that most things don't just happen randomly, but everything is the way it is for a reason (a view originally influenced by Voltaire's Dr. Pangloss and reinforced by the character Locke on Lost), an opinion to which I've come based both on my belief in a personal Deity and the sheer number of 'coincidental' personal experiences that have resulted in amazingly enriching outcomes. I'm learning to just do what I feel God calling me to do, and every time this has seemed to work out for good in the end.

Spending time on relationships with other people is one of the most valuable parts of my life. Perhaps the most important lesson I learned while at St. Olaf was to place friends above work: when someone comes up to you and says they need to talk (or simply implies it, if not spoken explicitly), you drop what you're doing and you listen. Thank you to Professor Howard Thorsheim for teaching me that. Ideally, then, talking with a friend will always trump anything else, even if I should be spending that time working on an assignment that is due the next morning, or whatever. The friend comes first.

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Legacy
Nicole Nordeman has a very inspiring song called "Legacy," and it's made me ask, and answer, the question: what is the legacy I'm leaving?

My hope is that people will remember me as a fiercely loyal friend, one who cared about others and tried really hard to take care of them; this is part of the reason why I send so many cards (and do other random acts of kindness), and another part of why I feel so strongly about always taking the time to listen. I don't mean it arrogantly at all, but rather as my best attempt at an objective observation of myself to say that, in these respects mentioned above, I do actually think I'm one of the nicest people I know. But then again, that's because I know the full extent of what I do, or try to do, for others, whereas I cannot know everything that everyone else does.

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Consistency
I'm a person for consistency. Whenever I go to Taco Bell, I always order the same thing: a #7 chicken quesadilla and hard shell taco with a large drink, which I always fill with Baja Blast. Noodles and Company finds me ordering a large Mac and Cheese with a lemonade, occasionally with flat bread. And McDonald's usually delivers a double cheeseburger with no pickle and a McChicken, occasionally joined by a delicious cinnamon roll. In an attempt to live on the wild side, I'll branch out when I'm at places like Bridgemans, Perkins, or Baker's Square (I like ordering a slice of pie, and when asked what kind, telling the waiter to "surprise me").

My clothing choices are also generally fairly consistent: khaki pants (never jeans) and a plaid button-down shirt (a habit for which I thank my visit to India). I always wear a belt so that I can clip my phone and keys to it, and then also, for when I'm doing my "techie thing", a flashlight, leatherman, gloves, and more keys. I'm not a particular fan of dress pants because they have no large pockets for holding things; this makes life very difficult, considering that I normally like to keep my wallet, two pens, a pencil, business card holder and voice recorder in my pockets. As some of my friends have noted, I do indeed wear the same thing in the middle of winter as I do in the middle of spring, although on the coldest days I may be forced to break out a heavy winter coat to supplement my polar fleece. And I very rarely wear shorts–it does happen, just... not often.

Religious

Most of the information in my online autobiography has remained the same or similar since it was written in the summer of 2006–the extent of my changes in almost every section consisted of fixing typos and stylistic alterations in sentence structure.

In that year and a half, though, my faith has seen an extreme up and down, necessitating substantial rewriting of this section.

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Early Years
I grew up with Christian parents who brought me to Church every Sunday, instilling me with a belief in God and Jesus. High school marked a changing point during which I actively chose this religion as my own, rather than simply following my parents' choices. More specifically, it was ninth grade that caused me to turn back toward church as an important foundation in my life, and then my religion classes in 10^th through 12^th grade that helped encourage and point me toward working out my own views.

For a number of years I liked to think I was the perfect little Christian: I knew exactly what was right and what was wrong, I went to church every Sunday, and I even read the Bible off and on. But then the busy-ness of life caught up with me, and I started to miss a Sunday service here and there, maybe because of a late night cast party after a play, a Sunday morning movie shoot, or just from hanging out with friends late the night before. Though I am grateful for the social opportunities provided therein, I do regret the result, as I feel all these brought me farther away from God.

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2007-2008
In the last year and a half, my faith has seen a dramatic shift: first a swing upward, associated with a closeness to God I'd never felt before in my life. This spiritual high gradually dissipated into a deep valley of emptiness, depression, and loneliness. God had disappeared from me, and I could no long hear His direction in my life. This allowed me, or rather, forced me, to start asking the really hard questions that I'd always been too scared to ask before. Now I find myself, almost a year of thinking, pondering, and searching later with more questions than answers. Through conversations with friends I've been blessed with a few answers, many leads, and still many more questions. Most importantly, though, I've been blessed knowing there are so many people praying for me as I go through my journey, and that gives me the hope I need to keep traveling.

1. I still believe there is one God, and God created Creation.
2. I believe that this God is a personal God to whom I can talk, and who will answer me (not in English or any other earthly language, but with direction)
3. I believe that even those who don't believe in God, or who simply don't know what to believe, can still be good people and effect positive change in the world.
4. I believe that Jesus was a real living man who preached and was crucified two millennia ago. I believe His message is for the whole world, not only Christians.
5. I am struggling greatly with the issue Biblical authority. There is no question that the Bible is man-written, leading me to reject any claim of inerrancy. I may, in principle, be willing to accept an approach of infallibility.

I am so sick of the conservative right-wing of the Church that claims to have all the answers–it pains me how much this minority has hurt our world and the people in it with their pompous arrogance. No issue can possibly be as black and white as they make it appear.

I'm far from knowing it all (I never will!), but I'm willing to keep exploring until I find enough of the answers I need to rebuild my faith.

In the while, I seek. I still attend church most every week, and I've done my best to surround myself with Christian friends who can offer me the support and guidance I need.

Someday, this too, shall pass.

Political

I'm a social conservative and fiscal liberal, so overall I classify myself as moderate (I have also been called a "conservocrat"). Incidentally, it is important to note that "moderate" is considered far right-wing at St Olaf. My political compass from May 10, 2009, placed me at Economic Left/Right -2.62 and Social Libertarian/Authoritarian 0.10. I've been gradually shifting to the left over the last few years.

I voted for Kerry in the 2004 election though I really didn't like either candidate. My philosophy following his loss was something to the effect of: "The election is over. He won, he lost. Get over it!"

I proudly supported Barack Obama during the 2008 election, and I'm giddy that he's in office now.

Though I strongly feel we as a nation went into Iraq spouting the wrong pretenses, I firmly believe that Saddam was rightly deposed, not because he was a threat to international security, but because of he was a bit of a genocidal maniac. I don't really care about buzz words like "weapons of mass destruction", but I do care that we put a stop to a despotic dictator and his mass-killing and torture sessions.

With that, though, I am eternally grateful to live in a country where the people are free to protest against our own government and express dissent in the public square without fear of persecution, torture, or death. While I may disagree with so many of our protestors here in the states, I'm glad we have them.

Filmmaking

My filmmaking career really started as a senior in high school at MA, where I acted in, and later helped edit, Nick Luyster's monthly comedic Publicity Videos, which were shown in the school wide assemblies. I didn't know how far I would go, but I knew making movies was something I enjoyed, and something I hoped to do more of in the future.

Backstory
As we were putting on the spring musical at MA, The Music Man, the Morris Park Players were also putting on their own production of it, in which one of my teachers, Mr Seeley, was starring. We went to see him, and after the show Peter Jerde and I met Matthew Feeney, a local actor and comedian, who had played the role of the sleezy salesman (coincidentally played by my best friend in our high school production).

At the time, Matthew was an executive producer of his own sketch comedy TV show, The WaZoo! Show, so I went to a few script readings, and thus started my early stages of networking in the independent film biz.

Early in the summer, Matthew invited me (along with several of my friends) to the premiere of Trekkies 2, in which Matthew had a bit role. It was a great film, but even better was the ride in the 20-passenger stretch hummer limo on the way there.

That was pure fun. But the real networking component of that summer came in helping with the production of "Stealing Summer", a low budget full length indie that Matthew was helping produce. I ended up being involved in several ways: as an associate producer (small budget means low entry fee), as an actor, and as a PA [Production Assistant]. When we saw the premiere in December, my name ended up being in the credits more than Matthew's! (And yes, we did rent a limo for the night of the premiere - after all, that was my big debut on the big screen).

A year later brought my involvement with the larger budget indie film "Fall Into Me", produced by Indiewood Pictures in Bloomington. I was originally hired on as script supervisor, but was later moved into extras casting. In any case, I was on set a number of days, and thus got to know and network with the other crew, and it was through one of these connections that I found my way onto the extras casting team for A Prairie Home Companion when it shot that July. That's the biggest name I can claim so far, though I've worked on a number of smaller features since then; in the summer of 2006 I was an executive producer for the indie films "IceBreaker", as well as my own "Harry Putter and the Sorcerer's Phone", followed by "Harry Putter and the Chamber Pot of Secrets" in summer 2007.

Future Projects
After finishing "Harry Putter 2" (still in post-production), my plans include finishing a script of, and then producing, a modern-day parallel to the Biblical story of Job, set in the world of a female high school senior. The story, preliminarily titled "Far Away", aims to examine the realities of life, death, suffering, religion, and so on.

Why?
I love making films, primarily for three core reasons:

1. It's an opportunity to give back to the world–Someone once gave me my first chance to work on a movie, and now (with Harry Putter 1, anyway) I've been blessed with the opportunity to give others that same first chance, putting newbie, aspiring young actors alongside more experienced and very talented ones. That same principle applies for crew members, too.
2. I view my stories, and the creative process behind them, as one aspect of my ministerial work–The stories I tell through film give me the opportunity to express my faith, even if not overtly (because, let's face it, "Harry Putter" isn't particularly theological, but it is family friendly). This is also why I've determined all my films will bear a special thanks to God at the end of the credits.
3. It's fun–My opinion on filmmaking is that if it's not fun, it's not worth doing. The Putter cast and crew really bonded to be a family, and that familial camaraderie on any set is what makes it so exciting to get up each morning to shoot some more.

Computers and Technology

I grew up using Windows machines, and I still remember the days of DOS and Windows 3.1. (In fact, up until 2006 I still had a DOS game or two that I would occasionally play through the use of Virtual PC). My Mom also had an Apple IIe with a yellow screen when I was little, so we weren't a completely PC-based household. My dad's first laptop, which later got passed down to me to become my first laptop, sported an amazingly fast 32MHz processor and 500 MB hard drive. Plus it had a docking station for the over 1 inch thick CD-ROM tray (the laptop proper only had a floppy drive built in). Wow. Those were the days.

As I said, I grew up on Windows, and maintained a special disdain for Macintosh (or rather, "Macintrash"), up until I saw the light in 11th grade. Now, don't get me wrong, Mac OS 9 is terrible, awful, icky, and all the rest of it, and I would much rather use Windows than that. But having to use Apple machines as part of my employment at MA showed me the truth that Mac OS X is beauteously beautiful, and that, as I've heard the adage goes, even a bad day using OS X is better than a good day using Windows.

I Saw the Light
I bought my first PowerBook G4 as a present to myself for my 18th birthday in December of 2003, and I was very happy in knowing that I finally had a better machine than my friend and coworker, Peter Jerde (he also had a 17" PB). This laptop served me well for a year and a half, until it was stolen in summer of 2005. That was not fun, but because I run weekly backups, I had only lost a few days of changes. Insurance bought me a new laptop (same model, but now they had a faster processor, faster burner, and a larger hard drive), and I kept that one until upgrading to an Intel based MacBook Pro (17", of course) the fall of my junior year of college (my roommate bought a 15", and I couldn't let him keep taunging me about having a better machine than I did!). As with previous laptops, my MBP has unquestionably become a part of who I am. Scary, isn't it?

Since MacBook Pros have the ability to use an external monitor as a second screen, I'm quite the fan of having an additional flat panel on my desk for added screen real-estate. This is most useful when working on web sites and needing to keep several browser windows open for testing in addition to the design windows. It's also nice for keeping late night programming projects on my main screen whilst watching movies on the second. One of my fondest memories from my first year of college is staying up until 4:00 in the morning the night before the final project was due in my Software Design class, programming on my main screen and watching the Harry Potter movies on the other monitor. I'm such a computer geek.

I love programming, and always have, from the beautifully simple BASIC of years gone by to the slightly more difficult Visual Basic for Palm OS, and of course the TI calculator programs on my TI89, to more recent years of learning the stereotypical C, C++, and most recently in the less well-known Objective-C (I'm a Mac person, of course). And as an aside, I really like using Apple's Xcode and Interface Builder - very hard learning curve, but if you ever get over that hill, things are very slick. That said, I've now taken enough time away from it that I've temporarily backslidden down the hill into confusion once more.

Keyboarding, etc
I live for keyboard shortcuts. I really can't stand having to use the mouse to click things that should be keyboard selectable, so I try hard to learn every single keyboard command I can in order to string together sequences of these shortcuts for faster working (my most commonly used is to copy some ugly or colored formatted text from a web page into TextEdit, make the document plain text, select and cut it all and then paste somewhere else, like into a Mail message). I'm also a fan of this schnazzy program called iKey, which allows me to program my own universal or application-specific keyboard shortcuts. Thus, my computer knows to automatically type my name when I press Command+Shift+T, or to type "jeremygustafson.net" when I press Control+J, or to launch Safari when I press Control+1. The list goes on.

I mentioned in passing that I use Mail, Apple's default Mail application for OS X. I love it for the fact that it automatically checks my six email accounts for new mail every 5 minutes, and then bounces its little Dock icon at me and plays a dinging noise to tell me I have something new and exciting to read. I've set up rules to color code my messages, and I purchased a small plugin called DockStar that uses colored patches on the Dock icon to tell me which account has received what number of new messages. And I've made some extensive use of Mail's rules to filter out known spam addresses (such as any email sent to "prodducttestpanel@jeremygustafson.net"), and to play special noises when special emails come in (such as CNN's breaking news alerts). Like I said, I love it - can you tell? I can't understand how people can live using webmail interfaces! Ick!

History of Education

Preschool
My schooling career had its humble beginnings in preschool at Christ Church Lutheran, where my Mom works as the primary teacher and program director. Sadly, I was really too young at the time to remember much of it now, but I'm sure some of my fondest memories must have included the chick hatching unit and the life-size milk-jug igloo.

Grade School
I started my journey through gradeschool in September of 1991 at Anne Sullivan Communication Center in South Minneapolis. The first of many years in public schooling, I came to Sullivan as part of the first Kindergarten class in the new building, formerly belonging to AT&T.

My years at Sullivan were mostly joyous, and I look back on them with fondness. Some of the highlights from my younger years include the little known fact that I used to be a really bad student in second and third grade; of course I saw the light soon enough, but those were not my best working years. Those were the years, though, when my first interest in writing was sparked, and for this I thank Mrs Walden and Mrs Weddle, as well as the literary works of Rould Dahl. Oh yes, those were also the very awkward years of boy-girl interaction, though I like to think I did well at maintaining friends in both camps.

Gradeschool was also the time when I first developed my interest in science fiction, specifically with TV shows like Quantum Leap, Time Trax, and later, Lost in Space. Great encouragement and inspiration for the imagination, really, and also of encouragement for my early writing (of course, I now cringe to look back and see how simplistic my early stories were, but we all have to start somewhere).

From when I was very little, I'd always loved to sing, so when, in fourth grade, I was finally old enough to join the school choirs, I hopped right in. No longer would I be forced to perform in concerts with other kids who had no interest in being onstage–from now on I was with others, who, like me, were there to sing by choice.

Fourth and fifth grade brought a new experience in school: the first time having a male teacher! In fairness, I loved all (well, almost all) of my teachers up to this point, but there was something special about having a teacher with whom I could really identify, or rather, one who could really identify with me. And, of course, he was a sci-fi fan; what more could you ask for?

Those years introduced me to some wonderful educational TV such as Bill Nye the Science Guy and Wishbone (I love that dog), as well as then-favorite books The Summer of the Monkeys and Running out of Time (I think The Village is based off this story, albeit poorly done).

Middle School
Middle school really started started my life trend of progressing from "I hate it" to "I love it". Sixth grade was not as pleasant as it could have been; in perfect honesty, it was pretty bad. It was the first time I was in classes that had three different grade levels, which is both incredibly valuable but also tragically difficult. The class I hated most at the time was called "Reality Bites", and it was really just a study hour for us newbies to 'learn how to do homework'... or something like that. Of course, the most valuable lesson from the class was "always read all the directions."

Story time: one day, the teacher came in and gave the class an... intelligence test (of sorts). He explicitly instructed the class to read all the directions first, but, as you can imagine, very few did. And by "very few", I mean only me. So, the 'test' consisted of an absurd number of complicated math and logic questions, except for the very last question on the back side of the paper, which said something to the effect of "only do question #7, put your name on the test, and turn it in". Yes, I was the first one done, and it was some number of minutes before anyone else caught on. I may or may not have acted a might bit smug.

Warning: the following paragraph is very scattered, much like my mind...

Seventh grade came around, and with it came all sorts of building construction and remodeling. Middle school was reorganized from 9 teachers in 3 teams to 16 teachers in 'houses' of 4. Exciting. It's scary that I still remember I was in House 3 in homeroom 264. I had wonderful teachers: Mr Cook for 'Language Arts' (ie English), Mr Ellingson for Math, and Mr Mac for Science, and we got to choose a number of 'elective' classes to take each quarter (did I mention I took calligraphy in sixth grade?). So, in these wonderful classes of mine, I started meeting a good number of similarly motivated friends, and by 'similarly motivated' I specifically mean that my friends and I would work far far ahead in our math book. Oh, fond memories. Sometime in eight grade we had a few days of guitar lessons in music class. And it was during one of these years in Mr Cook's class that I first learned about (and fell in love with) Pompeii, leaving me to dream of visiting there some day. Among my fondest memories, these were the years I first got to know my teachers as real people (teachers are indeed people, too; shocking, I know). Because my mother helped out as a crossing guard after school, I had the chance to stick around Mr Mac's classroom every day to help him get set up for the next day, or just talk, and that was an awesome time of real friendship building (as much as a teacher and 8th grader can be called friends, at least).

In middle school, as a method of teaching fiscal responsibility, the teachers had created a system in which students were "paid" for going to class or for various work jobs (attendance taking, running errands, etc), and were similarly penalised for ill behaviour such as chewing gum or being disruptive. Brilliant idea, really, as students learned not only personal responsibility and accountability, but were consistently rewarded for jobs well done. The exciting part, of course, came at the end of each quarter, when there was giant auction for our fake money, full of delightful items bought from our generous teachers' pockets. The really cool part for me came in 7th grade, when I was hired to join the ranks of those bankers in charge of maintaining the money database (we didn't use real money, after all; it was all maintained in a computer database, which could then generate fake paychecks for our fake checkbooks). An early indication of my developing personailty, I rose into a leadership position, and then, being the computer programmer type even then, in 8th grade I implemented a few improvements to the database. Those were good times.

Seventh and eighth grade were when I really started to 'live', at least socially. I became one of those names that most people in the school knew, or, at least, most of the teachers and staff knew me. After all, I had been at Sullivan for 9 years when I graduated, I'd made it a point to learn the names of the staff, and they mine, and I'd been involved enough in extra stuff like choir and the annual plant sale to have my face known (it became a tradition over the years that, on plant delivery day, I would spend the entire day helping sort orders down in the gym; it was hard work, but so much fun!).

Graduation was an exciting, yet very sad time. I was leaving the home I'd known since Kindergarten, and going to a different school than all of my friends. Leaving Sullivan was surreal, but not before a wonderful graduation ceremony. My kindergarten teacher, Mrs Brandon, even gave a special speech highlighting each one of us who remained from her original class 9 years previous in the then 'new' building; I'll brag a little bit when I say that she reserved me specially as the closing student in her speech. That day is really a blur for me - too soon it was over, the school year was done, and the next day's party field trip to Valleyfair gone too quickly. On to the scary new world of high school.

North High School
Without a doubt I wanted to go to North High School in Minneapolis. They had a wonderful magnet program called "Summatech", which focused on Science, Math, and Technology–what a perfect combination for me! All my favorite subjects combined into one unified curriculum, and I would be in classes with like-minded students who were smart and wanted to learn as much as I.

What naive stupidity that was on my part! Going to North was the single largest and monumental mistake I have ever made in my life. Beyond the shear culture shock I received from descending into the slums of Minneapolis society, there was the incessant use and acceptance of profanity and racially derogatory terms, there was no care for, or interest in, learning of any sort in the classroom, and those who did want to learn (like me) were roundly ridiculed for holding to such a ridiculous ideal. "AP" classes were a joke - by "AP", they really meant that you'll just be stuck in the class one grade up in that subject (and still be prevented from learning by the other students' actions and teacher's inaction). I held a 4.3 GPA (15 'A+'s and 1 'A'–silly drivers ed class :) with only marginal effort, and my only real competition for the #1 rank among the over 400 freshmen came from my friend Nate, also from the South Minneapolis neighborhood, and with whom I'd been in the same Boy Scouts troop years earlier (two quarters I held the spot alone, two quarters we tied as #1 in the class year; not surprisingly, he would go on to be valedictorian after I left).

Words cannot express the absolute disdain I feel toward North High School; not only did they rob me of 9 months of peaceful living and an actual education, but after seeing the worst that teenagers in Minneapolis had to offer, I left there with very deeply seated racist feelings from which I may never fully recover.

And yet I can't in honesty say that the year was worthless. I had a number of teachers who truly did care about their students and tried their best to teach amidst the hostile atmosphere. They inspired me with their determination and perseverance.

Going to North also brought me closer to God. Because North was such an absolute godless place, the refuge I found in going to church took on new importance in my life - this was the first time I really started going to church because I wanted to, because I felt I needed to. And I'll never forget the words from my friend Dorothy (she also came from Sullivan, though I hadn't known her before this year): "I'm glad somebody else cool still goes to church".

So was going to North really a mistake after all? I have lost my faith in the public school system, I'm still left with the scars of racist feelings, and I have never been able to forgive those students (and, by their inaction, those teachers) who made my ninth grade year so miserable. But I've gained a unique chapter in my own story, I took my faith as my own, and I saw the good in some of my teachers, those who tried so hard to make an impact on the evil in their world.

Minnehaha Academy
I needed to escape North. Period. There was possibility of surviving another year there without my brain melting away to nothingness from lack of use. Arrogant? Perhaps slightly, but also honest.

My parents encouraged me to consider transferring to Minnehaha Academy, a private, Covenant affiliated school about a mile from our house. It couldn't be worse than North, and I wanted to be done with public schools, so I applied.

I remember that, at first, I wanted nothing to do with the required Bible classes. "That's what Sunday School is for," I said, "it doesn't belong in real school." And yet, taking a real religion course for the first time in my life was an awesome experience (I do consider Sunday School, at least at my home church, to have been quite unhelpful in my faith-education). Far surpassing my transformation the previous year, I truly took up my faith as my own, and started to break out of my fearful shell when it came to holding different theological opinions. The one memory I'll not forget from my Sophomore religion class, "Life of Christ," comes from one of the last days of class, when the teacher played for us a song: "Marks of the Mission" by Charles Billingsley. This was my first taste of contemporary Christian music, and I really liked it.

Also during my first year at Minnehaha I volunteered / was coerced to join the debate team. Why not? I had no other extracurriculars, and I was taking the debate class that semester, so it just made sense. My partner and I ended up taking 2nd place in state. But beyond the trophy plaques, I had fun! Here was something that was exciting, engaging, informative, and I was moderately good at it to boot. As importantly, joining the debate team helped me start breaking into the social scene at MA. Slowly, yes, but it was a start. (I also had a short stint with the sound and light crew for chapels and assemblies; there was no respectability in that at the time, so I deserted).

Still, my first year at Minnehaha was not particularly great. I had been placed in a lower math class than was appropriate (I was able to switch higher a few weeks into the year), and I wasn't allowed into any of the honors Bio or English classes as a first year transfer. The consequence: I was still in classes with people who didn't care as much about learning as I did. It seemed like North all over again, but I wasn't willing to do another transfer.

I continue to thank God that I stayed.

Junior year was so much better. I skipped precalc and dove right into AP Calc 1, alongside AP US History and AP Chemistry. I was finally in bona-fide advanced classes with others who were both more motivated and smarter than I, and it was here that I finally found a social group to fit into: a group of kids who were heavily involved in academics and extracurriculars, and were popular because they were so smart. Even better, I'd see the same people in each of my classes, which meant an easier time building that friend base. Times were good.

This year my friend Cresten and I acted as co-captains for the debate team, and as a team we made it to the state quarter finals. Still pretty good considering this was only the second year that MA had had a debate team in over two decades. And along with being co-captain, I was privileged with the responsibility of redesigning the debate website over the summer (at the same time as the school website was being redesigned by the former debate coach), and then maintaining it during the academic year. That was my first real taste of web design, and I liked it.

In an effort to expand my extracurriculars, I also got involved with the Math team. Nerdy, perhaps, but it was actually quite fun, and I was placed on the scoring team for the majority of our meets. Not bad for a newcomer.

Then there was theatre. Okay, so I'd had a bad experience with the techies the previous year, but this year was a whole new ball game. Or at least, by the spring play it was. I hadn't really had interest in theatre before, but with the new chapel / theatre space open for the first time, and a growing friendship with then-theatre Technical Director Peter Jerde, I gave tech crew another shot, coming in as stage manager for our production of Ah! Wilderness.

Theatre grew as an interest for me, and senior year I became quite heavily involved in all things that went on in the new chapel space. From the plays proper to weekly chapels / assemblies, to evening performances and concerts, etc, I was there, volunteering my time, occasionally getting paid, and always trying to learn what I could from Peter. It was this year that I more or less placed myself in charge of the tech crew for chapels and assemblies, though no one is quite sure how this happened. Basically, I just came in and started delegating, and people listened. Now, I like to think I generally have good people and managerial skills, so those may have helped, but mostly I think I was able to come into a leadership position because I knew what I was doing when it came to making things work. Peter had given and continued to give me the training I needed to get things done, and get them done well, both in theatre, and then also for my new employment in the MA Technology Department (I officially started the summer right after junior year ended).

Senior year was the most exciting socially and academically. I was in four AP classes, had a solid friend base to grow from, and stayed involved in Math team and everything theatre. I stage-managed for the fall play, The Miracle Worker, wrote and directed a short piece for our Student Showcase, and acted in the spring musical, The Music Man (I was the first tenor in the quartet; yes the notes were very high). Though not officially titled so, I acted as assistant technical director to Peter for that year's Madrigal Dinner production; I like to think of the whole process as Peter's way of training me as his eventual replacement.

Cresten and I were to be co-captains of the debate team again, but we and all but one member resigned in an ugly debacle with the principal and the newly hired coach. If you ever want to kill an academic team, hire a new coach who wants to go a completely different direction from what has been done in the past and what the team members wanted, and don't bother to listen to any feedback from the team. But I digress.

Senior year is a blur in my memory now. It went so quickly, but I reflect on it with only fond memories. That was the first year I went to Sadies, SnoDaze, and Prom. I really tried hard to be social and balance spending time with friends with academic rigor, volunteer time in the theatre, and my continued employment in the tech department during the school year. I think I found a good mix, and I became a widely known figure when it came to all things Tech.

I also was given a fair amount of public attention by acting in the monthly comedic publicity videos, which were then shown during school wide assemblies. They were Nick Luyster's babies, but he welcomed me as a recurring character, usually surrounded by either technology or attractive females. I helped film and edit our final senior video for the year (at a run time of 25 minutes!), and it was through that experience that I really became interested in filmmaking again.

The days right before graduation brought me the one night I'd worked so hard for over the past 13 years: Senior Honors Night. My hard work finally paid off, culminating in a night full of academic awards, topped by the two I'd hoped for the most: The Peter Jerde Exemplary Service Award (given to a senior who has demonstrated outstanding service to the school), and the Newton Award (given to a senior who has exhibited an outstanding mathematical career while at Minnehaha). There were others, but those were the two that mean the most to me.

And amidst graduation and related events, there were the open houses! Though I didn't have an open house celebration for graduation, this was by choice - the point of an open house is to see all your friends: I got to do this through the 50+ other celebrations I attended, and I received more than a few compliments about making it to so many. In the end, a wonderful year.

St Olaf College
First Year
Summer ended, our website overhaul at Minnehaha was complete, and then it was time for me to trek off to the college life at St Olaf in Northfield, MN.

Continuing the tradition set back in middle school, I hated my first year.

First-years all arrived and unpacked on Saturday, then had a week of "fun" get-to-know-each-other-and-the-campus events before classes started on Thursday. Having come from the very conservative atmosphere that was Minnehaha, my corridor of swearing, drinking, partying, sexually promiscuous fellow first-years scared me. Okay, so very of them few fit that complete stereotype, and everyone has at least some redeeming qualities, but you get the picture.

As a whole, my first year was rather very lonely. I found it incredibly hard to relate to the other people around me, mostly attributable to our vastly conflicting worldviews, and so I spent most of my time in my room diligently working on homework rather than walking down the hall to be social. During these times I also perfected the art of watching movies on my second monitor whilst reading my textbooks or working on other assignments. (In all honesty, though, one of my favorite memories from first year is staying up all night working on a programming project on my main screen, and watching the Harry Potter movies on my second).

My social scene was pretty much non-existant: I made very deliberate choices to concentrate on homework as a priority over fun, and this had a cost associated with it. I also spent most of my weekends at home, or working at Minnehaha. I was still stuck in high school mode; I needed separation but wasn't willing to let it happen. Plus they paid me :) And of course I was back there for Madrigal Dinner. Since Peter hadn't been well, MA hired me to come in as Tech Director for the Dinner in February; that was amazingly stressful but amazingly fun to do.

And there were classes. Though a number of mine weren't particularly enjoyable, there were a few really great ones interspersed. Psychology 125 with Professor Muir comes to mind, as does Modern Computational Mathematics with Professor Richey (beastly hard class, but awesome teacher and interesting subject matter).

But good classes and wonderful professors (yes, most of my professors were in fact pleasant) couldn't make up for St Olaf being, on the whole, a very Godless campus. Even if St Olaf wasn't at the same extreme, memories of North came back to haunt me as I questioned why I was at St Olaf, and why I was even in college at all. College really is a pointless endeavor–just another hoop to jump through in order to "get a good job" and "have a good life." Anyway, I more than once gave very strong consideration to dropping out, or at least transferring. Kudos to my parents for putting up with my incessant ranting.

But, due in part to my sheer laziness and unwillingness to take a risk anywhere else, and also in part to my well-hidden optimism that things might get better, I stayed.

Near the end of my first year, Professor Richey approached me after class and (seemingly out of the blue) asked if I'd like to go to India. "Sure," I said, not knowing what I was getting into. The Computer Science and Biology programs at Olaf had received a grant from the Lilly Foundation to send six students and two teachers to India to work with the folks at ICSA (the Inter Church Service Association), a Christian organization with a mission of helping India's underprivileged. The four biology students worked with ICSA's generic drug manufacturing plant to offer them a guide in coming up to WHO standards (for the purpose of entering the world trade market). The two computer science students (of which I was one) worked with the students of ICSA's Jivana Jyoti school for underprivileged and disabled youth.

It was an awesome trip, and an awesome time of service. For your reading pleasure, I've uploaded my portion of our group's chapel address, as well as my journal entries from when I was still abroad (yes, I did take a Jornada PocketPC so that I could type my journal rather than write it out by hand; that's just the type of person I am).

Second Year
My second year of college was much better than my first, and, as goes my rote response when people ask: "I liked it a lot better–I actually enjoyed this year".

Why? I had friends! I wasn't starting over from scratch like before, and I worked hard to be less afraid of expanding my social network. I spent time with a special few of my acquaintances from the previous year, getting to know them as true friends and in the end developed at least a few friendships that I believe will be lifelong. I also got to know some of my then-roommate's friends, two of which became very special friendships of my own (my roommate moved out in October to be a JC in one of the first year dorms; of course this meant I had a single for the rest of the year!).

It was that set of people at Olaf that supported me spiritually and emotionally such that I began to feel at home at college. I made time for fun in addition to mere homework drudgery, and I placed small social get-togethers high in my priorities (don't get the wrong idea: I'm talking about movies, games, and visits to chat, not any drunken debauchery).

Academically, first semester was merely okay. I was in two CS classes, neither of which was particularly enjoyable, a Religion class called "Types of Protestantism", special because it was taught by my first-year room-mate's mother, and Beginning Norwegian, one of the most enjoyable classes I've had.

The religion class was an interesting experience. Then, as now, I'm still in flux trying to figure out where I stand theologically, so I thought the class would help me figure that out, or at least give me an idea which groups I might identify with the most. Well, the course turned out to be more of a history lesson. History has traditionally been my worst subject area, so this wasn't a pleasant surprise. In addition, sadly also contributing to the classroom angst, my teacher had cancer.

That was the beginning of a very long five months.

When I returned to school in January, I still had to finish making up the incomplete I took in Hardware Design from first semester (I had been very sick early in December, and had one too many projects to be able to finish on time). Not a problem–my interim class was a Computer Science team project course, so I had time in the late afternoons and evenings to work on the HD project. I finished it on a Friday night, and that next morning, as I was at home shopping, on my way between stores, Mom called to tell me that Grandma Sue was "actively dying".

The short story is that I took the next week off from school to be with the family, and then, fortunately, made major progress on my project the following Monday and Tuesday, which was good, since we had to present our progress publicly on Thursday.

During first semester I had spent rather little time at Minnehaha, allowing myself to become more established in my own social scene down in collegeville. This changed radically at the end of Interim as Madrigal Dinner time came around–I was rehired as Assistant Technical Director, which meant I did more work than the previous year and got paid less for it. And then I made the decision that, since I didn't have any semester II classes on Tuesdays or Thursdays, I could spend one day a week volunteering at Minnehaha. Not only would I have fun and be available as a worker in the MA theatre, this deal would allow me to keep a car on campus at college, which, given our family situation at the time, was useful.

Second semester was perhaps easiest semester I ever had at Olaf, and in others, the hardest. I liked my Norwegian class, and could actually look forward to going there each day. Well, most days. And I absolutely loved my religion class: "God and Human Suffering". The teacher was wonderfully hysterical and at the same time educationally informative and thoughtfully provocative, and, as promised, I left the class with more questions than answers about God, suffering, pain, sin - theodicy in general. Both classes were challenging, but in a very good way.

Then there were my two computer science classes. Suffice it to say they were bad, and, as seems to be the trend in CS department classes at St Olaf, inapplicable to any 'real world' application (have you heard of the programming language called "Scheme"? Neither had I before I came to Olaf, and I highly doubt I'll ever see it again after I leave). Both classes were incredibly pointless and pointlessly stressful. At the end of the year I was three classes away from finishing the major, a task I undertook then for the sole reason of being able to say I "studied" computer science in college.

As the semester progressed, I spent almost every Thursday at Minnehaha, and most weekends at home. My Grandma Ruth's (my father's mother) condition gradually worsened, and she moved to hospice care in early April, so I went to visit her almost every time I was home. After a two-year battle with cancer, Grandma went Home to be with Grandpa Stan in May.

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Junior and Senior Year
There's a lot to say about these, but I may never actually write it all down. The short version, I graduated cum laude from St Olaf in May 2008 with a double major in Computer Science and Religion.

Around this time I had already started actively writing on my blog, so feel free to read more over there.

The Future

Immediate Post-College
Following college I be continuing my employment in the Technology department of Minnehaha Academy, primarily focusing on the website and also providing onsite support for the faculty, staff, and students.

Life Goals
First let me give you this warning: I will be famous, or at least well-known, someday, thus giving you the right to say "I remember him when he was an almost-nobody."

Additionally, I feel it my responsibility to report that I have been quoted as saying "I want to be filthy rich some day." This is true, but I think it's important to explain where the rest of that thought was going, even if it didn't get said out loud.

I want to be rich because I want to be able to help people. More specifically, I want to be able to do ministerial work, though not in the sense of generic stereotypical feel-good buzzphrases like "I'm going to give to charity." Noble as that may be, I want to be able to minister through my passions, primarily film: I want to minister through television like 7^th Heaven and Joan of Arcadia; I want to be able to minister through film like The Passion, or, in it's own way, Saved!. I want to reach out and make a difference in the world through a medium people are receptive to. And the goal isn't only for the end audience. It is my opinion that there are not enough people of faith in the entertainment business, and therefore I feel it is important for me to use my abilities and connections to help make an impact there.

On the advice of my close friend and business partner, Matthew Feeney, I have begun to write down a list of my goals. In the short time since I've started, I've actually found this list to be very useful for re-centering and focusing myself on the future, rather than getting to caught up in every day troubles. My initial list of goals, not necessarily in priority order:

1. ✓ Finish production of Harry Putter 1
2. Finish writing "Far Away"
3. Work on another film with Ann Sorenson
4. Produce or direct a film that uses a Technocrane
5. ✓ Complete my college degree
6. ✓ Finish writing this autobiographical section for my website
7. Meet Anderson Cooper
8. ✓ Learn how to play guitar
9. Learn how to play guitar well
10. Finish reading through the entire Bible (I've made it through Proverbs so far)
11. Marry and have a family

I am hopeful that goals 2, 3, and 4 might all end up combining into a single film project.

Careers
Someday I would love for my career to be a full time filmmaker (be that as a director, cinematographer, or pretty much any other crew position–I love it all). More likely filmmaking will remain a life-long hobby, and I'm okay with that, but it's nice to dream of something larger... with a budget.

I'll always be a techie at heart, so living life as a stage manager, technical director, grip, or anything in that field would likely be quite fun, exciting, and fulfilling.

I also greatly enjoy singing and playing guitar, so perhaps there will be something in my future for that, too.

We'll see what happens. One never know what God has in store for us...